The one item from my recent TRR shopping I kept is this coat. I’d gotten rid of my old black wool coat several years ago. It wasn’t until last year that I really missed having a heavy-but-not-snow-storm-worthy wool coat. The tailoring of this coat once again reminded me of why Yohji-sama is a master with design. Even though the double breasted front looks like I have all six buttons done up (or actually three to be buttoned), the coat curves in a slight way so that the bottom two buttons create an optical illusion. Only the top two (on the right in the photo) are actually buttoned. I freaking love this detail. I also love the cuffed sleeves that are stitched back. Plus, the back of the coat has a slit that goes up to my hips. This makes moving in this coat incredibly easy, especially getting in and out out of the car. The sides of the coat create protective panels when I walk as a result. I’m able to take wider steps and still be warm partially down my legs since the sides of the coat move more with me. I can button up the coat all the way to the top, but I don’t really need to. The back of the coat neck is designed in a way that gives me the neck protection I need and has a lift to it. The shoulders are a little tight, but that’s caused me to stand up straighter more than anything else. I’m not held down by it or feel uncomfortable, mostly because the back slit allows the coat to move up more if I’m seated. For as structured as this coat looks, it’s amazingly easy to move around in and I have a feeling that was the intent.
Ok, have I described enough how much of an engineering feat of incredible design this coat is now? Will. Keep. Forever.
Ok, back to regular programming with the outfit I wore under the coat. I shocked the hell out of my boss today because I was wearing something with color. For some reason this very old and faded cardigan had just enough color to really pop out with this outfit and he kept talking about it. It’s kinda weird how he notes these things. I’m not sure how much of it is him judging me or if he’s really just weird like that.
Monday – or in the case of last week – Fake Wednesday. In any case, it’s nice to have a short week.
I don’t really remember much from that Monday. I know I was comfortable in this outfit and I’ve worn it before. I think I tucked in the sweater and it looks good tucked or not.
After ordering several things from TRR – a last push of shopping before I officially start the ban in 2019 – I ended up returning most of the items. I’d not returned stuff to TRR before and while I understand their return policy, $11.95 is a bit steep. I can send it regular post and only be charged what the postage actually is, which may be cheaper. Note to self (not that I’ll be buying anything anytime soon): Try to never have to return anything to TRR.
Over the weekend I went to DSW to look at snow shoes. I tried on ALL the shoes. I left with none of them.
This shirt is very wrinkled. Granted, it’s a linen shirt so keeping it crisp after ironing is nigh impossible. I’ve even worn it several times and put it right back on the hanger in my closet, so it has several office day’s worth of wrinkles on it even before I put it on today.
However, something felt more comforting about this shirt being so wrinkled. It felt softer – probably due to multiple wears – but I wasn’t overly bothered by how wrinkled the shirt looked and am even tempted to not iron it after washing it. Is that office appropriate? Well, considering what I can get away with I’d say yes. It’s a medium weight linen so the wrinkles look softer than if I wore a gauze or lightweight linen. In any case, I felt like I was wearing PJs today at work. The pant is lightweight wool and even though I can iron it, I never do simply because the wrinkles rarely show and mostly because it’s one less thing I get away without ironing and it won’t look bad.
I’m realizing that while I kept saying I don’t need any more clothes that it’s not stopping me from buying other things I don’t need now. I’m replacing one habit with another. Now, it’s buying new bedding or having ten flavors of honey as options for whatever tea I’m drinking in the office (my current favorite is chestnut tea). This isn’t really solving the issue at all and while I am picking up my exercise routine as much as I can, I need to be more aware of stopping myself from buying other things simply because I can.
If anything, I need to be saving the money I’m not spending on clothes to use for bigger house projects like us wanting to get new floors and update the bathroom and change out the kitchen counter tops and repaving the driveway, etc… I need to look at it as a challenge on how I can save up the money to do these things rather than shrug it off and buy another expensive piece of clothing.
Y’s turtleneck top – The Row pant – Jil Sander shoes
I’ve had lots of mini break downs lately. My mother was here for a couple weeks and although I love her dearly it’s difficult to always be talking about what’s going to happen (or not, which is even worse not knowing…) or about what I need to do with regards to dad’s estate since I’m solely responsible for doing everything now. Having the responsibility doesn’t bother me, but rather I feel like I’ve simply not had time to grieve and work my feelings out from all of it. It seems like everything came crashing down all in the span of one month and now we are sitting in a holding pattern of dread, fear, stress and anxiety until late December (mom’s sentencing) and beyond.
As a result, any patterns I’ve had to keep myself sane have flown out the window. I’m not exercising regularly. I’m not eating as well as I used to and suddenly find myself binging. I also have been having mini minor panic attacks simply from talking about any of this. I’ve also noticed I’m justifying purchasing anything and everything because I just fucking need instant gratification now on something that won’t make me want to punch a wall or scream.
I sorta had one of those “oh wait, I remember when….” moments this past weekend, which stopped me in my tracks. Many years ago when I was unemployed for a ridiculously long time I didn’t buy clothes (granted I bought other little things, but didn’t spend nearly as much money) and I exercised a lot. Oh yeah, remember that time Jen when you went FIVE YEARS without even buying a new pair of underwear or socks? It wasn’t until well after I’d had a job that I even thought about buying clothes and then remembered I kinda needed new underwear because I got tired of it sagging off me. Part of that was due to my underwear being so old and part was due to having lost weight. Remembering that made me realize I honestly don’t need to buy anything at this point in time. Would it be nice to have x, y and z items? Sure, but I really don’t need them and I’ve lived well enough without such things before, so what’s the point of getting it now?
I also remembered every other time I was miserable and tried to think what the hell I did to normalize myself. It ended up being exercise. So today I got out my notebook and nearly cried at the numbers as I put them down. In April I could do 4 reps of chin-ups: 15, 13, 12, 10. That means I did 15 consecutive chin ups in one rep before pausing for a couple minutes and then doing another 13 and so on. God fucking damn my arms were amazing then. Today’s numbers: 4, 4, 3, 3. Pitiful. I don’t even want to think about whether or not I can do a pull-up and those are much harder.
I miss feeling strong. I miss my boring routine. I miss hating exercising – if that makes sense. I’m writing it here to kick myself in the ass and give myself something to focus on again since I’ve been all over the place lately. This will be an enormous challenge as well knowing what’s coming up and knowing the weather is not going to get any warmer now. Also holidays are coming soon and that’s always throws a wrench on any routine at all.
Helmut Lang silk shirt – Y’s pant – Jil Sander shoes
Of course the one day I should wear a sweater I wear a silk shirt and freeze instead.
I got to the office and went to put my lunch in the fridge back in the kitchen and nearly stepped in an inch of water. What? Apparently one of the pumps in part of our warehouse broke and sprayed pressurized water for 12 hours on Sunday, flooding everything. The water had started creeping into the business office area by Monday morning and definitely wet areas that were uneven and lower like the kitchen, near the bathrooms, and the IT room. Everyone on the shop floor was sent home. However, all of us business office people ended up having to stay the entire day and work. Umm…. ok. Not that there’s a whole hell of a lot we could do since, you know, we didn’t run production that day at all. Maintenance was also there all day directing the restoration company that came to clean up over an inch of water everywhere.
Total bust of a work day that kinda made me pissed I had to stay for it. Most of us got caught up on things and made jokes about the company having natural disasters. Several years ago there was a fire on the shop floor and now we’ve had a flood. While many were getting biblical with what the next catastrophe would be (many said locusts) some of us were thinking more basic elements. We’ve had fire, water and next should be wind? So 38 months from now, which is the estimated disaster date, we’ll expect the next experience to be a tornado or hurricane blowing off the roof of the building.
My day was a whirlwind of meetings and running around the shop floor. All of a sudden everything is a priority again and quotes need to be done on time and parts are running late (mostly due to client issues….), yada yada yada….
I left early for my doctor’s appointment and was glad to get away from it all.
When I saw the doctor I gave him a brief summary of what’s been going on with my family and he stared at me in shock. I’m kinda used to seeing the eye-popping expression of disbelief. The look of incredulous astonishment that this can happen bewilders people so much they can hardly speak, let alone even know how to respond to me. How can our government do that? Why on earth would they? How can decide to send innocent people to jail like that? Well…. it all boils down to money and politics, clearly. So hard-working people like my mother, who try to do the right thing, end up getting fucked.
Needless to say he gave me a medication for anxiety. This is for short term, so depending on what happens with my mother’s upcoming sentencing, I might need more medications or a change in them.
The weather is starting to turn – or so I thought. I was actually a bit warm in this. Just when I think the weather will be cool enough to bring out my sweaters it turns ridiculously humid. The temperature itself calls for a jacket or a sweater, but the humidity ends up being so high a tee and shorts would feel more comfortable. I keep wondering when I can break out all my black and blue outfits again because I tend to wear that combination a lot in winter.
Because I took a half day yesterday, my work load ended up doubling. This usually isn’t the case, but I was wrecked from chest pains and a work-induced headache by the time I got home.
For my birthday last week Z got me a new Fitbit tracker. I used to have the HR, but then I got the exclamation point of death and that was all for that. I’d gotten it to work one other time when I got that symbol, but the second time failed. Apparently it’s a bug in their updates that basically makes them useless. Mine was several years old and well out of the warranty range.
Z got me a Versa, which is very fancy and I get text messages on it, which is somewhat nice. I like that I can easily see everything by swiping on the face in different directions. It also holds a small amount of music so I’ve loaded it with my workout songs.
I’ve been trying to up my workout routine again because my anxiety over my mom is getting out of control.