Forgetting days

standby

Yesstyle linen top – Yohji Yamamoto pant – Land’s End cardigan – Frye Carly Chukkas

I forgot I took my camera to work and had to adjust the white balance for taking photos in the shop. When I got home I hadn’t put my setting back so the lighting for this photo isn’t the best.

I wasn’t feeling all that great and needed to wear safe outfits, so I went with an old standby and threw on the cardigan for extra warmth. I then realized I kinda wanted another cardigan to wear at work and remembered last year how I didn’t always like how this one went with outfits I wore. This doesn’t look bad, but I think a cooler toned cardigan would’ve looked nicer.

Sometimes the work week and weekends move by so fast I forget what happened when.

New tracker

fitbit

Yesstyle top – Y’s pant – Jil Sander shoes

For my birthday last week Z got me a new Fitbit tracker. I used to have the HR, but then I got the exclamation point of death and that was all for that. I’d gotten it to work one other time when I got that symbol, but the second time failed. Apparently it’s a bug in their updates that basically makes them useless. Mine was several years old and well out of the warranty range.

Z got me a Versa, which is very fancy and I get text messages on it, which is somewhat nice. I like that I can easily see everything by swiping on the face in different directions. It also holds a small amount of music so I’ve loaded it with my workout songs.

I’ve been trying to up my workout routine again because my anxiety over my mom is getting out of control.

Near the limit

It’s hot. I hate.

Friday: Ann Demeulemeester top, Pas de Calais pant, Lems shoes.

Friday

Monday: Yesstyle linen top, Won Hundred pant, Jil Sander shoes.

monday

Tuesday: Rosen linen top, YY skirt, Dries Van Noten shoes.

tuesday

I think I’m nearing the point at which I’m comfortable with the size of my wardrobe. I have a few other items I want to get but then I might consider a clothing ban. I didn’t say shopping ban, but a clothing one because I don’t think I need much more. Items I still want to get:

  • Dress shirts for conferences/ client meetings – because this is going to be a thing I have to do now for my job and I need to be prepared.
  • Still on the hunt for black oxfords.
  • New pair of pumps for conferences/formal events…. maybe. I can make do with the wedges I have but wearing them all day isn’t ideal.
  • Sweater to replace one I am donating. I know which one I want as well, it’s just a matter of when I buy it.
  • YY shirt (used, available at Rakuten) that’s been on my wishlist for ages and I don’t know why I haven’t gotten it yet.
  • Rosen Hakama pant – because I’ve been obsessing about those as well for a long time and I should just bite the bullet. They will be my token super wide leg pant.

Over this past weekend I looked through pages and pages of tops on TRR. I “liked” several of them and then when I went back to look at what I liked, I noticed a weird trend:

  • I like baroque, but don’t want to wear it. I’m totally attracted to big, ruffly sleeves at the cuffs and/or shoulders, lots of buttons that would be a total pain in the ass to button/unbutton and lots of darting – everywhere – front, back, sleeves… ALL the darting to create a fitted silhouette. The likelihood of me buying stuff like that and wearing it is next to nil. Note: elastic ruffled cuffs are still fugly to me.
  • I find Tory Burch boring as all hell. There’s a ton of her tops on TRR.
  • Hobo/peasant style tops repulse me for some reason and this probably goes into why I don’t like Tory Burch clothes. There’s a plethora of that style made by her.
  • I love all the wild color combinations of Diane Von Furstenberg and Missoni, but I would never wear them. Also, DVF has a thing for making wrap shirts that look really nice, but make me wonder how practical they are for wearing in the office.
  • I do like V neck shirts, but can’t wear them that low in the office.
  • I still gravitate to grey. I will always love grey.
  • MY KINGDOM FOR A DEEP FOREST GREEN SHIRT. Why are they all that boring, muted olive/army green??!
  • There are a LOT of silk shirts on TRR, but are any of them good quality? I am loathe to buy a silk shirt because I keep thinking of the Everlane one I had that was kinda crap to begin with due to being so thin.
  • I do not like red or yellow. I am slightly attracted to red in a pattern, but as a whole, it doesn’t do anything for me. I’m also attracted to browns, but then feel weird when I wear them so I usually stay away from those as well.

Bright Lights

I feel like my outfits have had a sort of running theme this week, but I’m not sure how to put it into words. I’ve been comfortable each day, which is good considering the craziness that’s been going on at work.

Monday: Everlane top, Won Hundred pant, Nisolo shoes. Yep, I am wearing the Nisolos again. They sat in the box in the basement for my “Eventually I will get around to selling these…. some day” area. Once I got the shoe stretchers I thought: screw it, do it. So I stretched them out over the weekend. While the heel portion is definitely better the toes, even while widened, still cramp just a tiny bit. I may try stretching them some more this weekend. I can wear them all day and not be uncomfortable, but they could be better. I also want to change out the shoe laces, which are a weird beige-taupe-green color that seems odd.

Monday

Tuesday: My favorite stand-by outfit – Yesstyle linen shirt, YY pant, Nisolo shoes. No matter what I feel put together in this outfit even though the top is more casual than should be appropriate for work. (I get away with it and no one complains.)

Tuesday

Wednesday: Another easy one. My favorite old black top and Rachel Comey Menace pant with Dries Van Noten shoes. The Dries shoes are amazingly more comfortable now they’ve been stretched. The leather has a lot more structure to it than the Nisolos and isn’t nearly as soft, but I can tell that in time these will be favorite go-to shoes in the same way my Frye ones are now. Also, I’m panicking about having to replace this top. It’s a fast fashion one and it’s a staple and I love it but it’s super beat up and there are white-ish pit stains from deodorant under the arms. I may see if I can oxyclean those out.

Wednesday

Thursday: Feeling very “what is the point of this day” and it was so incredibly nice outside I was cursing every moment I had to be indoors. Knock Knock Linen top, YY pant, Frye shoes.

Thursday

Tonight Z and I are going to head to our old stomping grounds in the city for dinner (a dive sushi place in a half-basement cafe on a corner that we love) and then see Interpol play.

It’s been a weird week, but a productive one. Last weekend after reading Archana’s post, I binged on buying plants and have 5 new ones I’m not sure I can take care of, but damnit I will try. I’ve already moved one several times to get better lighting for it.

Also, I forget where I read it, but someone I follow recently talked about going without deodorant and I realized that the older I’ve gotten the less deodorant I need to use. Or maybe I’m just not nervous sweating like crazy as much as I used to? I dunno, but I tried an experiment this week where I’ve not gone with any deodorant at all this week. I normally wear antiperspirant, which I think is even more damaging to fabrics and maybe even myself, but it’s what I’ve always done and never questioned. Verdict? Well the weather was mild this week so it’s not been too much an issue and any stress sweating I did at work didn’t leave me smelly although I panicked a bit on Wednesday because I felt wet under my arms and thought for sure I’d stink to high hell. Nope. After work on Monday and Tuesday I attacked the flower bed out front that had been taken over by crap grass and even with sweating up a storm that way I still didn’t smell bad. I do know I can have stinky sweat but maybe it’s not as bad now? I’m really confused on it or maybe I need to wait until the 90 degree weather hits next week to know if going without is ultimately a good idea. Also, I’ve not worn overly tight clothing, which would definitely be a good litmus test for this.

Give me all the long skirts

Once again I’m sorta brain dead (from work of course) and don’t really have much to say.  I have a couple new items I’ve bought and I’m ready for my hair appointment NOW even though it’s next week.

Last Friday: Yesstyle linen top, Grana jeans, Jil Sander shoes.

last friday

Monday: Ann Demeulemeeser top, Uniqlo pant, Dries Van Noten shoes.

The shoes are new and I got them from TRR on final sale. I fell in love with the ombre look of them and had been stalking them for a while. As soon as I got them I panicked because I thought they’d be too small, but they fit a bit better than expected. The toe box area is fine but the mid section and heel were tight. So I ordered some shoe stretchers and they helped tremendously. I’m completely amazed at how much more comfortable the shoes are now. I don’t know what kind of leather they are, but they do wrinkle up quite a bit. I’m not bothered by that and figure with time it’ll add some charm to them.

mondayDries Van Noten shoes

Tuesday: Everlane top, YY pant, Lems shoes.

This outfit was very comfortable and I thought I looked rather good in it – with the exception of the shoes. I was stretching out my other shoes more and it was raining all day so I didn’t want to wear my EF mules. The photo I don’t think is doing this outfit any justice at all. Also, Yuki looks a little mental.

Tuesday

Wednesday: old black top, Yohji Yamamoto skirt, Dries Van Noten shoes.

I’m still astonished I got this skirt for $33 on TRR. I looked it over several times when it arrived, thinking it surely had to be a fake, but no, it’s the real deal. The token wool fabric, which is exactly like the pant in the photo above, the flawless stitching, the tags fully intact… Holy crap, did I really just get a YY item for only $33? This was another final sale item and I was apprehensive about it because it’s a size 3, which is technically “big” but I’ve found I need to size up in the more fitted clothes he makes. This is a perfect example of the designer size not meaning fuck-all. What it boils down to is knowing your own size backwards and forwards in inches and centimeters. The sizing in inches was indicated so I decided to take a gamble on it and it fits perfectly.

wednesdayskirt

I love the length. There is a slit in the front that comes up almost to my knees. It is a little tight for walking, but not annoyingly so. In fact, I was rather glad the skirt was making me walk slower on my breaks today. I was kinda worried the flaps on the waist would look clownish, but I think they are the best detail of all now. There is some fraying at the seams on the flaps, but they don’t look so distorted to make the skirt seem dumpy or overly used. I can easily see myself wearing this skirt with tights and a big sweater in cooler weather.

YY has turned me into a skirt fan. I’ve never really liked skirts before and I still shy away from any skirt that’s knee length or above. I have my eyes on a wool CdG skirt that is big and fluffy and looks perfect for layering in winter weather. I’ve noticed that YY skirts are more fitted for straight styled silhouettes and Morticia Addams-esque in their design, which I love. Most CdG skirts are bulbous and fluffy looking. I didn’t think I’d like that, but I’m willing to experiment with that kind of silhouette simply because they look comfortable.

Too old for concert trenches

Yesterday I took a day off work so Z and I could spend it together to hang out. He bought tickets for Radiohead a while back and we decided to make it a day in the city and then head to the stadium at the end. We had a nice brunch and went to a museum showing an exhibit about gaming history and had all sorts of consoles for people to interact with. After a quick dinner at a pub down the street from the museum we went to to the stadium, waited in line for an hour and secured a decent spot about 30 feet from the stage for the night.

The show itself was great. Radiohead mostly played Kid A, In Rainbows, A Moon Shaped Pool, and OK Computer songs – most of which were the more low-key kind. There was a nice mellow tone throughout the show, which was an interesting change for me. I’ve seen them 5 times and this was the most chilled out setlist I’ve seen them play. I’m glad I got to see it.

However, I realized I’m getting old enough to really dislike everything that comes with getting floor tickets for a stadium show. Being surrounded by pot smokers, getting bumped into a million times during the show by that guy/girl who flails like a fish out of water, aka “dancing”, and being engulfed by the general smell of a specific contingent of concert goers who have next to no idea what the word hygiene means. Every once in a while I’d get a blast of refreshing, cool AC air, but then I’d cringe because Eau d’Hipster-Who-Hasn’t-Bathed-In-A-Week would shortly follow. Waiting in line to get in, standing your ground in the GA area and then dealing with all that mess mentioned above for so many years of shows has worn me down. I know that some people love it and will live it to the end or as long as they can stand, but I think this may be my last one.

Monday: Knock Knock Linen shirt, Won Hundred pant, Frye shoes.

Monday

Tuesday: Rosen linen shirt, Uniqlo pant, Jil Sander shoes.

tuesday

Wednesday: (skipped/forgot to take photo while on my day off).
Thursday: Yesstyle linen top, YY pant, Frye shoes.

thursday

I was exhausted today so I wanted to wear an outfit I’m super comfortable in, hence this repeat. I wear this combo a lot and it just works for me.

We got home around 12:30 and I crashed in bed at 1 am. I’m so spoiled by my routine that going to bed this late wrecks me anymore.

Weekend staple

Thursday outfit and all the silly things I keep in my study: Everlane top, Won Hundred pant, Lems shoes.

thursday

Z took this photo and wanted to get Yuki in the shot. The photo shows more my collection of manga and animal crossing figurines than anything else.

Friday: Grana tank, Banana Republic denim shirt, Y’s pant, Adidas shoes.

friday

While I don’t always wear jeans on “casual Friday” or dress casually in the way many do for the office, I always make sure to wear comfy shoes whenever I can.

Sunday: Yosemite tee, Uniqlo linen pant.

post hike

This is a post-hike photo. Z wanted to go out to a park so we went to one of our stand-bys and it was crowded. However, we tend to meander off into the woods on the less taken trails – or rather trails that no one uses anymore and are so overgrown and full of mud no one in their right mind would bother hiking them anymore. Yep, that’s how we roll. We both came back with muddy shoes and pants.

Weekend usual: cotton top from Yesstyle and Ys pant.weekend

I wore this outfit all day Saturday and put it on again after I showered when we got home from our hike. Who knew lightweight wool pants would become my summer staple. I seriously love these and want to wear them all the time.

I’ve spent several hours catching up on Accidental Icon posts and finally remembered to add it in my regular blog list. I really like the weekend links she posts.  And I’ve decided I want everything from Margaret Howell’s Autumn ’18 collection.

Also, I made a very expensive shoe purchase and am anxiously awaiting my precious to arrive. Unlike clothes, I tend to have a longer running relationship with shoes. I wear them down and they have holes and stains and tears and all manner of scars on them by the time they are retired. The slippers in the above photo are a perfect example. There’s three holes in them right now but I can’t be bothered to buy new ones because I haven’t found any others I like yet. So when it comes to buying shoes, I don’t feel so bad splurging because if I like them enough I know they will be The Ones I wear until death. I’m still wearing the Lems shoes that are cracking because the leather is cheap. They are comfortable and an easy black shoe to wear so while they aren’t doing my outfits any favors I still wear them. Chalk it up to laziness in a way, but until I find the right replacements I keep almost hate-wearing my old shoes. I’m leaning more towards quality now in shoes versus easy wear, especially since I have an ankle condition to consider. I can wear my Frye shoes and they don’t bother my ankle at all so it is possible for me to wear good shoes that look nice and not be worried about my ankle getting all lumpy by the end of the day.

Skirt as skirt

Monday: Rosen top, Rachel Comey Menace Pant, Frye shoes.

monday

The stress of dealing with the new client account drained me so much I slept until almost 11 am Saturday. I was shocked I slept in that much, but I clearly needed it. Already this week I know I’m going to drop dead again this weekend. Sunday I was still exhausted and barely did anything. It wasn’t until I got home Monday that I realized I wore these same pants on Friday to work. They really are becoming workhorse pants for me. They are very comfortable and easy to coordinate.

Tuesday: Yesstyle linen top, YY linen skirt, Jil Sander shoes.

tuesday

This is the weird Yohji Yamamoto skirt that I wore as a dress a couple weeks ago – worn as a skirt here. I just folded over the extra material, tied it with the ties on the skirt, but also safety pinned it… just in case. I didn’t think I would end up wearing this skirt as a skirt, but I’m glad I did today. It’s so soupy outside it’s hard to breathe, but I still like to go out for walks near the office when I have the time. I tend to go out a couple times a day to a parking lot surrounded by trees just up the hill from the office. It helps me clear my head and today I definitely needed it after the reports I was working on and then the client call. Even though it was 90F with over 80% humidity I was perfectly comfortable on my walk with this skirt. I also love that it’s lined most of the way down. Due to the weird way the tie works on the skirt I side-tucked my shirt, which I am definitely a fan of doing again. It’s left out on the side where the ties are sewn into the skirt, but I tucked in my shirt just under the fold over of the fabric and where I tied the ties. If I’d thought about it – I could’ve taken a better detail photo. The fold over does leave a bulge, but it doesn’t bother me at all.

I don’t have much to say and am drained already. It’s only Tuesday! Granted, I did run 2 miles on the treadmill when I got home. I would’ve run outside, but a massive thunderstorm nixed that option. I am glad I ran no matter what. I needed the stress release.

Week 1 – Trial by fire

Wednesday: YY top, Rachel Comey Lure pant, Lems shoes.

wednesday

Thursday: YY top, Uniqlo pant, Jil Sander shoes.

thursday

Friday: Top from Yesstyle (Chinese vendor), Rachel Comey Menace pant, Frye shoes.

friday

This week has officially kicked my ass. I’m reminded of the rushed, stressed feeling from when I was first given my client accounts back in January/February, which were a mess. Everything was late and I was frantically rushing about to all the areas of the shop, constantly checking on product status.

This first week I’ve been taking over a coworker’s account while he’s on vacation and it’s the largest client account we have. Basically I’ve been tasked with taming a wild, galloping elephant and it’s getting the better of me. I knew this account was a bit of a clusterfuck to begin with, but damn…. this is beyond anything I could’ve ever imagined. Also, I don’t think my coworker anticipated any of the stuff I ended up encountering. He said I only had prototypes to worry about… well, the prototypes were the easiest part of what I’ve had to worry about all week. I’ve been in contact with the client rep 4-5 times every day. My boss is the only other one who knows what’s going with this client and he’s been out half the week at a conference. He’s checked in with me every day and yesterday I flat out said to him, “I’m drowning.” I was given a report from the client to work on and I was floored by how much we are backordered and what goes into all the orders we do for this client. My clients are peanuts by comparison. I’ve gotten them all under control now and have a really good rapport with them. So to be given this task with a new rep that I’m only temporarily working with has literally thrown me back into the deep end of the pool with everyone standing at the side saying, “swim, damnit!”

However, I have managed to gain a much greater respect for my senior who handles this account because it’s so insane and I’ve learned a lot of new things about how we operate and manage the work load. And I’ve been given tasks that I had no idea ever fell on my department before. I’ve had so many 5-minute-tutorials on how to change things in our system to accommodate the work load I’ve left work with my head spinning and a general sense of anxiety, wondering if what I did was correct. Even today I turned to the more seasoned employee next to me and asked if I did X, Y and Z things right that were entered the day before. I won’t say it’s been easy or the best way for me to learn this stuff, considering it’s all on the fly, but I’m gaining a much greater grasp of how I can help out.

The new admin has been great in seeing if I’m ok and even coming to me with silly things or comments just to make me smile. It’s obvious she cares and is worried about me and that makes me feel all the better about us hiring her. I’ve given her a huge task I used to handle simply because I’m so swamped I can’t take care of it now, which she will need some guidance with, but I’m sure she’ll be helpful. After seeing some of the stuff I had to deal with, even on a generally slow Friday, she said she didn’t envy me at all but is still willing to help me out whenever possible. It’s really nice having that kind of support.

The biggest thing to help me this week has been being able to run. I’ve run three times this week and getting that stress out of my system by exhausting myself physically has done wonders for me emotionally. I’m still restraining myself because I know I risk running myself into a new injury out of sheer stubbornness, but what little I’ve done has worked. Granted, I’ve got a mean case of DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) in my legs, but the little masochist in me is saying, “Yaaaaassssssss, my preciousss.” Once I get over the soreness, I’ll get to the strengthening part and after that the muscle memory part and then… it’s all routine and my head clears and I move mechanically – in a good way.

I thought about running tonight, but I did run a lot more than I intended to yesterday so Z told me to take it is. So… I’ve had a double of Johnny Walker Red and am about to stuff myself with grilled brats and apricots and couch potato it with more beer and watch new anime season premieres.

Auuuuugggghhh

You know that sound Charlie Brown makes, when he tries to kick the football and Lucy steals it away at the last second? He lets out a yell and you can tell it’s a mixture of frustration at what happened, but also knowing it was going to happen anyway? That’s been my week thus far. And it’s only Tuesday!

Tuesday

Sweater from Yesstyle, Grana jeans.

Boring outfit is boring – in photo. My boss actually complimented me on it and was shocked I was wearing jeans. I wondered what rock he’d been under.

I completely forgot to take my outfit photo yesterday. I’m still stressing out a little over the changes happening at work and yesterday I got home and immediately changed into workout clothes without thinking. I was halfway done with my workout when I remembered.

I’ve been having a lot of those, “wait…..what?” moments. This whole month I’ve been good about not spending any money (just a couple movie tickets and an affogato) and I kept saying to myself: Ok, don’t spend until February. Then I’ll look at my credit card balance and check if my predictions for discretionary spending were on target so I can set up a proper budget for shopping. And before I knew it, it’s almost February and I’ve not had two minutes to really think about spending because I’ve been so busy. Plus, I’ll need to reassess my expenses again because this month saw me being offered a 20% raise and new position. Wait… what?

I’ve been a nervous wreck the past week and a half because I knew this was coming. It’s not as if I wasn’t prepared for it, but A) this is a whole new set of responsibilities that I really need to step up my game for and B) my new numbers would affect my choice of benefits program now that I’m eligible and the deadline is February 1st – hurry the hell up, where is my paperwork, BOSS!? (No worries now, got it taken care of – finally.) My biggest worry currently is being properly trained. When I first started working for this company, I had someone sit with me and teach me everything. Now, I’m having to scramble and search for the information myself. I do have plenty of help from some people, but the main ones who could train me best are the busiest and already being pulled in 20 different directions. I’m trying to do what I can with what resources I know I have right now, but it’s still very piecemeal.

One of the directors told me she’s really glad I’m doing so well and I’m very much needed there. She said I’m a “go-getter” and I corrected her. I’m not a go-getter at all. There’s nothing I want to go get at the company and if it came down to that, I’d probably fail. However, I have a good work ethic and sense of responsibility. If I’m going to be paid well to do a job, I need to make sure I’m proving that it was worthwhile to put me in that position. That is what I’m afraid of most – not being able to prove that I’m worth what I’m being paid to do. I’ve worked at plenty of places where I’ve been severely underpaid and know that I should demand more for what I’m doing. Now, I’m in the opposite position of being given a lot more than I was expecting and it’s making me panic, wondering how I’ll get the information I need to do the job well. My new position is very similar to other ones I’ve done in the past. It’s essentially customer service work. However, before I was mostly working in retail. Now I’m working for a corporation where the “customer” is another company and losing one of them could mean losing tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars instead of just a couple hundred or a couple thousand. I understand that the amount of money I’m being paid correlates to the amount of responsibility I have to keep these customers happy because of how much they are spending with our company. But it’s all still very new to me and I think my little freak outs lately are keeping me centered and anxious to do as much as I can as quickly as I can.

I don’t even know if what I just wrote makes sense, but it’s cathartic to write it out. Z just asked if I want to play more Zelda and my attention span and focus for this post just disintegrated. When do I want to play Zelda? ALWAYS.