Hitting the work self-destruct button

denim

Banana Republic top – Uniqlo pant – Frye Carly Chukkas – handmade (by me) lace scarf

Work has been utterly bat-shit insane lately. It’s all to do with a client that is not mine, but is affecting product for my clients, which is annoying to me. It’s been an all-hands-on-deck situation, but it really shouldn’t be considering how big our company is now. That is the part that pisses me off. Once smaller client derails everything when it should only be a tiny blip on the radar compared to the rest.

I’d like to say that is my work rant for the week, but I have a feeling another one is coming very soon.

Old self

old self

Uniqlo flannel top – Grana jeans – Coach boots

For some reason I’ve been feeling very raw over the past 48 hours and so bear with this post full of navel gazing and pondering.

This is an “old me” outfit. It’s probably one I’d wear in some variation every day, seven days a week several years ago. Something made me think – ok, let’s do this Casual Friday thing the old school way. I felt like I needed to go back to where I was and simply accept that sometimes I do need that version of me. I’ve now been wondering a lot if I’m changing myself too much for the sake of the change and not because it’s been what’s best for me.

When I got to the office the admin complimented my outfit, especially the boots. She said they looked nicely faded. I took a paper towel and wiped away dust from the top of my boot: Nope, it’s just dust, it’s not really faded. I’ve not worn these boots in two years. I joked about keeping the dust on to keep the faded look and she cheerfully said I must keep the dust on! She also liked the whole ensemble in general. I then noticed my top was covered in cat hair and dust because it had been in the back of my closet. It also smelled a little musty and I probably should’ve washed it before wearing it. I think my perfume did a good job of keeping the musty smell away unless people got really close to me. Now reading all of that – it sounds kinda gross, doesn’t it? But one thing did stand out to me – I looked “normal”. Granted, what is normal is relative, but compared to what I normally wear, I basically looked like most other people in the office today or like I’d match well with typical women my age – minus the pram and two kids in tow. But again, I didn’t feel like I wasn’t being myself – it was just going back to a version of me I’d not visited in a while. That got me thinking – what is the real me nowadays?

Talia‘s brutally honest and raw post about wanting things she doesn’t need really struck a chord with me. Her honesty in that post felt like a breath of fresh air and also like a kir of liqueur that I’d sip and savor, comforted in the familiarity of knowing her words mirrored mine internally – the difference being she had the guts to write it. The desire to stand out and not wear the same things as everyone else, but also wanting all the things everyone wears is a real struggle. With so much marketing around us – especially Pinterest, which I think is one of the most clever and fucking demonic forms of modern marketing touted as a virtual mood board – it’s really hard not to be wanting something that someone else has whether it be a blog influencer or not. Raise of hands, who else has a wishlist on their Pinterest like I do?

That post also reinforced the fact that I really don’t need anything and need to stop this trigger-happy reaction of adding items to wishlists because all that does is itch the instant gratification cat in me. And then I purr when I decide to buy the item and then go sleep on some other item for six months until I feel like coming back to it. It really is a vicious cycle and I need to stop justifying getting stuff because I can.

Just in the same way that exercise does make me feel better, I need to get back to doing things that really matter and will help me emotionally and mentally.

There is a guy in my office who goes to concerts almost every other week. He’s around my age or older and a lot of the shows he goes to seem very nostalgic in nature: Def Leopard, Metallica, Dave Matthews Band, Jon Bon Jovi, etc…. As we stood at the microwave (because there’s always a line at lunch) I asked him what his next concert was because he seemed to go to a lot of them. He simply said: I prefer experiences to things.

That statement alone sent me into an emotional vortex of WTF have I been doing buying all these clothes when I could’ve been doing everything else instead! Even my work itself was reminding me of things I used to do – like photography. I’m in the process of figuring out if the money we spend on our marketing company is worth it or if I can handle doing it. We’d cut back money on that expense to the company, but of course I’d be compensated for doing the work instead. Today I brought in my camera, dusted off the dingy light box I found in one of the back shop cubicles and started taking product photos. I then went to different departments to take a few shots for B-Roll footage here and there. Many didn’t mind at all that I was taking photos of them working and some were really happy to help out. It reminded me of other photography work I’d done in the past and how even doing mundane shots of products still takes a certain amount of creative effort. When I looked at the photos on my computer I kinda pat myself on the back – I still got it. Not only that, it made me actually want to work on things for work. That is fucking scary! But back to the point, the creative outlet of doing something completely stopped me in my tracks and instead of browsing online all I want to do now is go outside and take photos of the autumn foliage while I still can. I was really big into taking outdoor photos, especially close ups of plants. 50-60mm fixed lenses are my jam and I pray to the almighty Bokeh. Also, for several years I took photos of my breakfasts and even published a book with photos and recipes on Blurb.

One last thing to add to this already totally meandering, bumbling entry – I love anime. Karandi‘s post about loving anime and the stigma that comes when people find out was another raw one that nailed it for me. I’m over 40, childfree, and I prefer to watch anime over anything else on tv/internet. I don’t have cable, but I do have Netflix, Crunchyroll, and HiDive streaming accounts. I’m lucky enough that most of my friends really DGAF what I watch, but they will definitely berate me for not attempting to watch other shows. If anything, now they’ve all got kids they come to me for recommendations on shows they’d like their kids to watch if available on whatever services they have. However, I was a bit nervous about letting people know at work. While some do think it’s weird and give me the side eye, most others just shrug it off or don’t care. I’m wondering if there’s a certain age where we simply DGAF because I know that’s mostly the case for me at this point in my life, but also seems to apply to many around me who are in similar age brackets or much older. There is a younger engineer who also watches anime and we chit chat about the shows we’re watching and give each other recs as well. He’s really big into JoJo and I’m amazed I’ve convinced him to watch Banana Fish all the way through since BL stuff is very much not his cup of tea. He did remind me to watch the rest of Castlevania on Netflix, which I’ll be doing this weekend.

Like Karandi, I too love the music and characters and over-the-top plots. Considering tv shows that are popular these days some of the anime I watch seems on par when it comes to oddness, but there’s definitely a difference due to the medium itself. Having that oddness animated and then taken to DefCon Levels of Exaggeration is most of the fun with these shows. Today I even admit to the admin that I loved anime music so much I usually listen to that more than anything else. I’m a total anime soundtrack junkie and even have specific playlists for exercising, chilling out, etc…. Kuroshitsuji is my go-to for plane trips for zoning out/falling asleep. When I’m gardening? Totally a mix of all seasons of Natsume Yuujinchou. Maybe I’m hoping I’ll find yokai in my yard.

I don’t write about anime much here anymore, but I still very much love it and still watch it.

I think I’ve rambled on enough now. I’m still on the fence with myself and my style, but maybe that’s because I’m over-thinking it and need stop thinking about that and DO things I love again. Thank you for reading thus far. Now have a good weekend.

 

Being still

still

Yohji Yamamoto sweater – Grana tank top – Uniqlo pant – Fog Linen house slippers

I’m posting this weekend photo simply because Michelle’s comment about this sweater being special and only for lounging around proved to be exactly true. I’ve been fighting off the plague making the office rounds and for the past week I’ve had a slightly sore throat. I’ll start off the day fine, but within a couple hours my throat starts up and then some days I’ll get a few body chills or aches, but nothing too bad to incapacitate me or make me want to leave work. Over the weekend I started to feel worse and stayed in this room – my study – all day drinking lots of hot tea and playing easy, mindless video games. This sweater definitely helped make me aware of not needing to move too much and force me to be still so I can recover. It’s also extremely warm for being so lightweight.

Navy

navy

45rpm wool jacket – Helmut Lang silk shirt – Uniqlo pant – Jil Sander shoes

I almost went with my navy Jil Sander leather sneakers, but remembered those were a bit more on the purple-ish side so I went with black shoes. I think I could easily become one of those people who wears monochrome outfits.

The office was so chilly today I had to wear my wool coat because I didn’t have a layer to wear over my silk shirt. The silk is thick and of good quality, but let’s face it – no silk can withstand cold temperatures alone.

I had a little break down again today emotionally. I barely kept it together during work and then cried when I got home and needed lots of snuggling with Z. I know I’m depressed, which is a given, but I think the anxiety of not knowing what’s going to happen is ten times worse and I felt my chest tighten a lot throughout the day. I’ve also been getting lots of emails regarding my dad’s estate, which I am solely in charge of taking care of now. There is so much fucking shit to do when someone dies! It’s fucking insane and makes me want to get rid of my credit cards and bank cards even liquidate my IRA and only deal with cash for everything. I never want to put anyone through this shit when I die. Holy fuck what has happened to us that we have to have ten fucking billion layers for every tiny little thing we do even after death!

Mental health

blah day

Everlane top – Uniqlo pant – Dries Van Noten shoes

I left work early today for mental health.

Since my dad died and now my mom is alone to deal with all the shit she’s been through I’ve had severe anxiety issues. I’ve not had them this bad in a long time – at least ten years. I know it’s severe when I have angina attacks. Angina can have several causes, but in my case it’s due to severe anxiety and stress. The muscles constrict so tightly it reduces blood flow to the heart and causes pain similar to a heart attack. I freaked the fuck out the first time I experienced it while in college. I went to a doctor when I started experiencing the pain, thinking I was having a heart attack. The doctor told me what it was and it was due to anxiety and stress. Many years later I experienced it again as a reaction to a medication so I knew not to take it ever again. But now it’s back and it’s mostly due to me thinking about my mom’s situation all the time.

I’ve had two attacks in the past week.

After the pain finally subsides, which can take upwards of an hour, I feel as though someone used my chest as a punching bag. The first time last week the pain was so numbing afterwards I felt sore all over and couldn’t do anything the following day. The second time was in the middle of the night. I hadn’t been sleeping well and it made me even more awake at 5 am.

I couldn’t sleep last night and could tell I was feeling the anxiety tension build up. The tightness in my chest becomes unbearable and then the pain stabs and doesn’t let up until I’ve figured out how to calm down or take lots of medicine. All morning at work my chest felt tight and I was extremely emotional. A coworker immediately noticed and pulled me into her office to talk. She’s had angina before so she could relate and knows what’s going on with me as well. The other day she said she was amazed how calm and controlled I can look under the circumstances, but I’m really not. I feel like I’ve been cracking lately. Today was one of those days where nothing could keep it down. I went home and screamed and cried and went out for a run, which did help briefly.

I’ve got a doctor’s appointment later this week. I know I need medication for this while I’m in the thick of it and until my mom’s situation is sorted out I may be on meds for a while. I really hate taking medications and I know the line of drugs anxiety meds falls  under can be harsh on the body. Anxiety/anti-depression drugs are very easy to get addicted to and the side effects and withdrawals from them can be monstrous. I know about coming off anti-depression drugs from when I was in college, so I’ve never been keen to go back on anything like that. However, I may have to suck it up and take it now if I’m to get through a day of work or even get a decent night’s worth of sleep.

Too old for concert trenches

Yesterday I took a day off work so Z and I could spend it together to hang out. He bought tickets for Radiohead a while back and we decided to make it a day in the city and then head to the stadium at the end. We had a nice brunch and went to a museum showing an exhibit about gaming history and had all sorts of consoles for people to interact with. After a quick dinner at a pub down the street from the museum we went to to the stadium, waited in line for an hour and secured a decent spot about 30 feet from the stage for the night.

The show itself was great. Radiohead mostly played Kid A, In Rainbows, A Moon Shaped Pool, and OK Computer songs – most of which were the more low-key kind. There was a nice mellow tone throughout the show, which was an interesting change for me. I’ve seen them 5 times and this was the most chilled out setlist I’ve seen them play. I’m glad I got to see it.

However, I realized I’m getting old enough to really dislike everything that comes with getting floor tickets for a stadium show. Being surrounded by pot smokers, getting bumped into a million times during the show by that guy/girl who flails like a fish out of water, aka “dancing”, and being engulfed by the general smell of a specific contingent of concert goers who have next to no idea what the word hygiene means. Every once in a while I’d get a blast of refreshing, cool AC air, but then I’d cringe because Eau d’Hipster-Who-Hasn’t-Bathed-In-A-Week would shortly follow. Waiting in line to get in, standing your ground in the GA area and then dealing with all that mess mentioned above for so many years of shows has worn me down. I know that some people love it and will live it to the end or as long as they can stand, but I think this may be my last one.

Monday: Knock Knock Linen shirt, Won Hundred pant, Frye shoes.

Monday

Tuesday: Rosen linen shirt, Uniqlo pant, Jil Sander shoes.

tuesday

Wednesday: (skipped/forgot to take photo while on my day off).
Thursday: Yesstyle linen top, YY pant, Frye shoes.

thursday

I was exhausted today so I wanted to wear an outfit I’m super comfortable in, hence this repeat. I wear this combo a lot and it just works for me.

We got home around 12:30 and I crashed in bed at 1 am. I’m so spoiled by my routine that going to bed this late wrecks me anymore.

Weekend staple

Thursday outfit and all the silly things I keep in my study: Everlane top, Won Hundred pant, Lems shoes.

thursday

Z took this photo and wanted to get Yuki in the shot. The photo shows more my collection of manga and animal crossing figurines than anything else.

Friday: Grana tank, Banana Republic denim shirt, Y’s pant, Adidas shoes.

friday

While I don’t always wear jeans on “casual Friday” or dress casually in the way many do for the office, I always make sure to wear comfy shoes whenever I can.

Sunday: Yosemite tee, Uniqlo linen pant.

post hike

This is a post-hike photo. Z wanted to go out to a park so we went to one of our stand-bys and it was crowded. However, we tend to meander off into the woods on the less taken trails – or rather trails that no one uses anymore and are so overgrown and full of mud no one in their right mind would bother hiking them anymore. Yep, that’s how we roll. We both came back with muddy shoes and pants.

Weekend usual: cotton top from Yesstyle and Ys pant.weekend

I wore this outfit all day Saturday and put it on again after I showered when we got home from our hike. Who knew lightweight wool pants would become my summer staple. I seriously love these and want to wear them all the time.

I’ve spent several hours catching up on Accidental Icon posts and finally remembered to add it in my regular blog list. I really like the weekend links she posts.  And I’ve decided I want everything from Margaret Howell’s Autumn ’18 collection.

Also, I made a very expensive shoe purchase and am anxiously awaiting my precious to arrive. Unlike clothes, I tend to have a longer running relationship with shoes. I wear them down and they have holes and stains and tears and all manner of scars on them by the time they are retired. The slippers in the above photo are a perfect example. There’s three holes in them right now but I can’t be bothered to buy new ones because I haven’t found any others I like yet. So when it comes to buying shoes, I don’t feel so bad splurging because if I like them enough I know they will be The Ones I wear until death. I’m still wearing the Lems shoes that are cracking because the leather is cheap. They are comfortable and an easy black shoe to wear so while they aren’t doing my outfits any favors I still wear them. Chalk it up to laziness in a way, but until I find the right replacements I keep almost hate-wearing my old shoes. I’m leaning more towards quality now in shoes versus easy wear, especially since I have an ankle condition to consider. I can wear my Frye shoes and they don’t bother my ankle at all so it is possible for me to wear good shoes that look nice and not be worried about my ankle getting all lumpy by the end of the day.

Week 1 – Trial by fire

Wednesday: YY top, Rachel Comey Lure pant, Lems shoes.

wednesday

Thursday: YY top, Uniqlo pant, Jil Sander shoes.

thursday

Friday: Top from Yesstyle (Chinese vendor), Rachel Comey Menace pant, Frye shoes.

friday

This week has officially kicked my ass. I’m reminded of the rushed, stressed feeling from when I was first given my client accounts back in January/February, which were a mess. Everything was late and I was frantically rushing about to all the areas of the shop, constantly checking on product status.

This first week I’ve been taking over a coworker’s account while he’s on vacation and it’s the largest client account we have. Basically I’ve been tasked with taming a wild, galloping elephant and it’s getting the better of me. I knew this account was a bit of a clusterfuck to begin with, but damn…. this is beyond anything I could’ve ever imagined. Also, I don’t think my coworker anticipated any of the stuff I ended up encountering. He said I only had prototypes to worry about… well, the prototypes were the easiest part of what I’ve had to worry about all week. I’ve been in contact with the client rep 4-5 times every day. My boss is the only other one who knows what’s going with this client and he’s been out half the week at a conference. He’s checked in with me every day and yesterday I flat out said to him, “I’m drowning.” I was given a report from the client to work on and I was floored by how much we are backordered and what goes into all the orders we do for this client. My clients are peanuts by comparison. I’ve gotten them all under control now and have a really good rapport with them. So to be given this task with a new rep that I’m only temporarily working with has literally thrown me back into the deep end of the pool with everyone standing at the side saying, “swim, damnit!”

However, I have managed to gain a much greater respect for my senior who handles this account because it’s so insane and I’ve learned a lot of new things about how we operate and manage the work load. And I’ve been given tasks that I had no idea ever fell on my department before. I’ve had so many 5-minute-tutorials on how to change things in our system to accommodate the work load I’ve left work with my head spinning and a general sense of anxiety, wondering if what I did was correct. Even today I turned to the more seasoned employee next to me and asked if I did X, Y and Z things right that were entered the day before. I won’t say it’s been easy or the best way for me to learn this stuff, considering it’s all on the fly, but I’m gaining a much greater grasp of how I can help out.

The new admin has been great in seeing if I’m ok and even coming to me with silly things or comments just to make me smile. It’s obvious she cares and is worried about me and that makes me feel all the better about us hiring her. I’ve given her a huge task I used to handle simply because I’m so swamped I can’t take care of it now, which she will need some guidance with, but I’m sure she’ll be helpful. After seeing some of the stuff I had to deal with, even on a generally slow Friday, she said she didn’t envy me at all but is still willing to help me out whenever possible. It’s really nice having that kind of support.

The biggest thing to help me this week has been being able to run. I’ve run three times this week and getting that stress out of my system by exhausting myself physically has done wonders for me emotionally. I’m still restraining myself because I know I risk running myself into a new injury out of sheer stubbornness, but what little I’ve done has worked. Granted, I’ve got a mean case of DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) in my legs, but the little masochist in me is saying, “Yaaaaassssssss, my preciousss.” Once I get over the soreness, I’ll get to the strengthening part and after that the muscle memory part and then… it’s all routine and my head clears and I move mechanically – in a good way.

I thought about running tonight, but I did run a lot more than I intended to yesterday so Z told me to take it is. So… I’ve had a double of Johnny Walker Red and am about to stuff myself with grilled brats and apricots and couch potato it with more beer and watch new anime season premieres.

This is a skirt. And way too much ranting on running shoes.

Wednesday: Rosen linen top, Rachel Comey Menace Pant, Eileen Fisher mules.

wednesday

We’ve been wanting to go back to the restaurant where we were married for a while. It’s hands-down the best food to be had in a 50 mile radius and the biggest reason why we chose it for our wedding. It’s also very pricey. We had a gift card from Z’s dad and wanted to use it before our next anniversary. We tried to go a couple weeks ago but it was booked up until 9 pm and that late of a dinner doesn’t work for us.

Since the hotel is right off the river, there’s a walking bridge 50 feet away from the building and we also go for a walk on it – or in our case, more like a post dinner waddle.

IMG_6800

I don’t have a photo for Thursday because it was my last PT session and I forgot to take a picture that morning. I also had a follow up appointment with the orthopedic surgeon this week. He said unless my ankle got worse or started to bother me, there was no need to have any more visits. If in the next couple of months anything goes wrong, I could get an MRI.

The general verdict is: I still need to spend many many MANY more months strengthening my leg. I have a list of exercises to do at home now for flexibility and strength. I’ve been given the ok to run, but to build up at a glacial pace so I don’t overdo it again. Also, I might never be rid of the bump, which is slightly frustrating because that means I may always have problems wearing regular shoes with a hard back. The only thing that could technically get rid of it is surgery, but that would put me at square one again and I don’t want that. It’s also possible that over time it will eventually go away. How long that takes is anyone’s guess.

Friday: Ann Demeulemeester top, Uniqlo linen pants, Adidas Boston 7 shoes.

Friday

So how’s that for a funky, DGAF-because-it’s-Friday look?

These are my new trainers. Did I need to buy ones that have Boston Marathon on them with the the Unicorn mascot (on the back)? No, but damnit, they are slick looking and I got them at a hell of a discount AND they actually feel really good. Earlier in the week I went out to three different shoe stores to look for new running trainers and hated everything I tried on. Nike shoes fit so weirdly nowadays I can’t find anything in their line that feels right, despite how nice they look. I’m more of a New Balance type because those were always so comfortable, decent looking and had the right amount of support and cushioning. But now a lot of their line has gone with this weird cushion insert thingie that’s like memory foam. I have a basic pair of NB cross trainers but my foot slides everywhere inside due to the slickness of the insert. They have a Cush runner, but it’s not nearly as good their older types of running shoes. I’m not too keen on the other kinds of runners they have these days either. I’m not a huge fan of Saucony and don’t think their running shoes are all that great. Brooks, while having a running lineage, are just too damn expensive for what you get. To me, they are just as ok as Asics, but with a bigger price tag and more wacky colors. Mizunos are good, but for some weird reason, I’ve never gotten the sizing right and when I think I do, they change the style of the shoe and I have to start all over again. The last pair of Mizunos I had were a full size over what I normally wear, but still felt small in the toe box.

I went home feeling a bit defeated that I spent two hours at 3 shops trying on I don’t know how many running shoes and came away with nothing. To feel better, I screen shopped the new Y-3 summer catalog that just came out and then it hit me: why the heck haven’t I looked at Adidas? Oh right, because trying to find Adidas around here is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. The market is so  insanely saturated with Nike and Reebok (*shudders*) that Adidas isn’t easy to get a hold of. I looked up their running shoe line and read several reviews. Of course, my eyes were immediately drawn to the colors of the 2018 Adizero Boston 7 and I found a coupon. I really don’t like buying running shoes online because I spend a lot of time going over the shoes before buying. When I was out at the stores, I walk up and down the aisles with different shoes on my feet. I even run standing in place and run up and down the aisles. I’m insanely picky about them because running in shoes that don’t work only ends in disaster. I’ve had plantar fasciitis in both feet, countless blisters, and nearly snapped my calf muscle. The right running shoes are very important.

Luckily, the Adidas worked out. They even come with a replacement set of shoe laces (or if you just want a different color – the extras are navy). I’ve only done a treadmill run in these so far, but they are so much better than the Sauconys I was running in. I’m a believer now in the Boost cushioning system. So much so that I’ve already bought another pair of Adidas, which should arrive tomorrow. The other pair – Adizero Tempo 9 – also has the Boost, but more than the Boston 7. That’s another thing about running – you can never ever have too many running shoes. In fact, having several to rotate through is a must in order to stave off injuries.

I’m not giving up on the other brands, but I may wait a bit until some of the styles change over before looking again. The two Adidas will hold me over for a little while, but I generally like to have 3-4 pairs of running shoes to rotate.

Sunday: Yohji Yamamoto skirt and Eileen Fisher mules.

skirt

Yep, this is a skirt. I recently got another order in from Rakuten – two YY shirts and this skirt. Even though the skirt says it’s a size 1, which is technically too small for me, this is one of those weird cases where the style of the item makes sizing all but impossible to figure out. The dimensions on the site for the skirt made it sound like it would fit me perfectly. When I got it I was incredibly confused. The skirt is very wide at the waist. I’d say it’s 36 inches and since I’m a size 28 waist that’s a lot of extra fabric. There is zero elastic. The only fasteners are one snap button and two pieces of string placed apart on the side. Whut? I spent an hour trying to figure out how to wear it as a skirt and it dawned on me that this is one of those truly avant-garde pieces. One is not supposed to wear it normally. More like – one gets to interpret how to wear this item correctly and no one way is or isn’t correct. It’s like my skirt/pants. It can be worn in half a dozen ways and no one – not even the designer – would really tell you what’s right or isn’t.

I bought this skirt because I loved the dress part of the YY suit I have so I got curious about wearing more skirts. I like the length of most YY skirts I’ve seen and believed this simple, lined linen skirt would be my gateway into wearing more. End result? Look at this fantastic, lightweight summer dress! I’m not wearing a bra and the only thing keeping me from flashing the world is one little bow and a snap button. Oh and I do kinda have to watch the top because the snap is actually a flap over. The upper part of the dress in the photo shows a line. I can actually put my whole hand through that. So bending over and letting that flap open too much might flash some boob as well. However, I’ve been wearing it all day today and love it so far as a dress. There is a bit of side boobage depending on how I move since there is no elastic up top and the width is greater than my bust size, but so far this is working out great. There’s also that big slit up the middle, which technically goes to the side when it’s worn as a skirt, but I’ve not had any issues with that either. The linen is blended with a little rayon so it’s super soft and lightweight and it doesn’t wrinkle like crazy. Being lined on the inside makes it very smooth and easy to drape as well. Despite the seemingly immensely easy ways this dress can go wrong and cause outfit malfunctions it’s super comfortable and I’ve not had to fuss with it at all. It’s really weird how I went for one thing and ended up with something else entirely that became a win in the end.

Today is Z’s birthday. We went to see Incredibles 2, which was much better than I thought it would be. The beginning of it started off with a very sexist slant that doesn’t entirely justify how it works itself out of that by calling out how well Mr Incredible and Elastagirl know each in their marriage, but overall it was an enjoyable watch.

Dressing Normie

Wednesdaythursday

I wouldn’t say I dress too far out there, but I do very much skew masculine and have worn many weird proportions. Today (the photo directly above), however, made me feel like a normie, aka normal office person. I grabbed one of the company pullovers from the stock room yesterday before leaving work (covering up logo in photo). It’s a large so it is a bit big, but I’m ok with that. I think a lot of it had to do with the pants as well, which are from Uniqlo. They are meant to be office pants and super basic, which is fine. I wore an office shirt today because execs from my main client were visiting our facility. My whole morning was spent hanging out with them and giving them a tour of the building with my boss. I was very conscious the whole day of feeling like an employee while wearing this outfit and half expecting to hear someone whispering “one of ussssss”. This just made me want to run home and change all the more. I know it’s ridiculous and all in my head. I thought it would be funny to share this feeling of wearing a fake skin.

The client meeting went well, which surprised me. The operations director, who is the boss of my main contact, never gave me the impression he was an easy person to deal with based on email exchanges. I was a bit nervous and prepared to hear a bit of shaming on our part for the whole slew of late orders last month. However, that didn’t happen. In fact, he praised me quite a bit and said my constant communication really helped them know we were doing our best despite the problems we encountered. As we toured the facility we showed them the assembly section and had none of their parts there because we shipped them all out yesterday. I told him a certain product they needed was in that shipment and he high-fived me very happy about the early delivery.

The clients left and my boss took us out to lunch. Afterwards, I was right back at it in a meeting regarding a new issue on a different product from the same client. I was hoping for an easy afternoon, but this was a blatant reminder of how I’ll need to up my game with my new role.

I get my admin on Monday! Finally! And while I was riding high on the thought of having someone take care of all those little admin things I was thrown a curve ball from my boss about taking on another client account, which I thought I was going to squeak by. This new one is in fact a new “old” client who came back to us and is being super nit-picky about a whole slew of things for their current orders about to be shipped out. *head*desk* It clearly never ends….

I know this whole post is just about work, but today was a bit of a Big Day so to speak. I have a hair appointment after dinner, which I’m hoping will go well. I’m trying yet another salon because I haven’t found one that really gets me yet. Also, I may have bought a custom sized shirt from Rosen and may plan on having a suit customized from them next month because I’ll be dragged to more conferences and so I may as well brace myself now for it. Also, I don’t want to go as a normie to these events. I want to go as ME.