Working out in winter.



Yohji Yamamoto shirt – Girlfriend Collective leggings – Dries Van Noten shoes

We’ve had some really cold weather lately so even though it’s technically not winter – it feels like it. In fact, we’ve already had snow (last week). When it’s cold, it’s always harder to motivate myself to exercise. Most of my work clothes are easily warm and comfortable enough for me to wear into the evening until I take my nightly shower before bed. However, I am trying to keep up my workout routine for my sanity (it really helps on the emotional front) and I developed a “trick” last winter and am doing it again to keep myself in check. On most days I will wear some part of my workout outfit under my work outfit. In today’s case, I literally only had to take off the Yohji shirt (I had the Everlane one on underneath for warmth and I wore my workout bra all day – most of mine are comfortable enough for that) and change my shoes. Like so…


I’ll admit – some days this doesn’t work and even though I’m all geared up I simply can’t muster up the strength to force myself down one flight of stairs to the cold basement to work out. *Insert single, tiny violin solo for First World Problems and emo whining here* Most days it does work though and lately because I know it’s helping me emotionally, I’m all in.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving for those in the US. We are going low-key this year and doing basic get together at the in-laws.

Attack of the DOMS


Journal Standard Jacket – Yohji Yamamoto shirt – Limi Feu sweater – Y-3 leggings – Dries Van Noten shoes

I am extremely sore from starting up my weight training routine. Part of me loves that feeling, but part of me also hates it. I’m a little too sore now for it to be enjoyable in that I’m getting stronger! sort of way.

This outfit is the closest I’ve ever been to wearing a dress in the past…. 3 years? Granted, the leggings helped. I have a few Y3 items and realized their sizing is really weird. These leggings are an XS and still are baggy and big on me. Apparently they do make XXS, but those were sold out. This outfit is definitely something different for me. Even though traditionally it’s out of my comfort zone, I felt really comfortable wearing it and know that I may wear it again. The sweater is so incredibly warm I was almost hot part of the day.

Personal wardrobe


Yohji Yamamoto sweater – Rachel Comey Lure Pant – Dries Van Noten shoes

This outfit was difficult. I’d had my eye on this sweater for a long time and took the plunge on it and now…. I’m not so sure. See the issue….


If I raised my arms up the bottom of the sweater would pop up over my chest above my bra. Yeah…. didn’t quite think this purchase through. Sometimes avant-garde fashion really is just meant to be that and not something you simply throw on and wear to the office *derp*.

That being said, I still stubbornly wore the sweater all day. However, due to the company doing the restoration work in the office, there were fans blowing at full speed and the AC cranked low to deal with the humidity from the wet carpet so I ended up wearing my company fleece vest over the sweater and that made the crop of the sweater a non-issue.

That still doesn’t count as wearing that sweater successfully for the day. I may try it again on a day when I know I won’t be working Antarctica and see how well I manage…. because apparently I’m a masochist.

Do I like the sweater? Yes! It’s soft and warm and while the functionality has a little bit of an issue, I don’t want to part with it. I don’t know if that’s due to my being stubborn in that I-bought-it-damnit-I’m-wearing-it kind of way or if it’s because I’ve embraced wearing weirdly styled clothes or “different” pieces than what even used to be my norm, let alone anyone else’s.

Leah’s article got me thinking about this a fair bit and while I’m still very late in mentioning it, I read it when she posted it and had that fist-pumping YAAASSSS moment in my head.  I think that for as cumbersome and weird as some of the items may be, they are mine and that is part of what I wear and what I do and who I am. I wear the quirky clothes.


Mental health

blah day

Everlane top – Uniqlo pant – Dries Van Noten shoes

I left work early today for mental health.

Since my dad died and now my mom is alone to deal with all the shit she’s been through I’ve had severe anxiety issues. I’ve not had them this bad in a long time – at least ten years. I know it’s severe when I have angina attacks. Angina can have several causes, but in my case it’s due to severe anxiety and stress. The muscles constrict so tightly it reduces blood flow to the heart and causes pain similar to a heart attack. I freaked the fuck out the first time I experienced it while in college. I went to a doctor when I started experiencing the pain, thinking I was having a heart attack. The doctor told me what it was and it was due to anxiety and stress. Many years later I experienced it again as a reaction to a medication so I knew not to take it ever again. But now it’s back and it’s mostly due to me thinking about my mom’s situation all the time.

I’ve had two attacks in the past week.

After the pain finally subsides, which can take upwards of an hour, I feel as though someone used my chest as a punching bag. The first time last week the pain was so numbing afterwards I felt sore all over and couldn’t do anything the following day. The second time was in the middle of the night. I hadn’t been sleeping well and it made me even more awake at 5 am.

I couldn’t sleep last night and could tell I was feeling the anxiety tension build up. The tightness in my chest becomes unbearable and then the pain stabs and doesn’t let up until I’ve figured out how to calm down or take lots of medicine. All morning at work my chest felt tight and I was extremely emotional. A coworker immediately noticed and pulled me into her office to talk. She’s had angina before so she could relate and knows what’s going on with me as well. The other day she said she was amazed how calm and controlled I can look under the circumstances, but I’m really not. I feel like I’ve been cracking lately. Today was one of those days where nothing could keep it down. I went home and screamed and cried and went out for a run, which did help briefly.

I’ve got a doctor’s appointment later this week. I know I need medication for this while I’m in the thick of it and until my mom’s situation is sorted out I may be on meds for a while. I really hate taking medications and I know the line of drugs anxiety meds falls  under can be harsh on the body. Anxiety/anti-depression drugs are very easy to get addicted to and the side effects and withdrawals from them can be monstrous. I know about coming off anti-depression drugs from when I was in college, so I’ve never been keen to go back on anything like that. However, I may have to suck it up and take it now if I’m to get through a day of work or even get a decent night’s worth of sleep.

Near the limit

It’s hot. I hate.

Friday: Ann Demeulemeester top, Pas de Calais pant, Lems shoes.


Monday: Yesstyle linen top, Won Hundred pant, Jil Sander shoes.


Tuesday: Rosen linen top, YY skirt, Dries Van Noten shoes.


I think I’m nearing the point at which I’m comfortable with the size of my wardrobe. I have a few other items I want to get but then I might consider a clothing ban. I didn’t say shopping ban, but a clothing one because I don’t think I need much more. Items I still want to get:

  • Dress shirts for conferences/ client meetings – because this is going to be a thing I have to do now for my job and I need to be prepared.
  • Still on the hunt for black oxfords.
  • New pair of pumps for conferences/formal events…. maybe. I can make do with the wedges I have but wearing them all day isn’t ideal.
  • Sweater to replace one I am donating. I know which one I want as well, it’s just a matter of when I buy it.
  • YY shirt (used, available at Rakuten) that’s been on my wishlist for ages and I don’t know why I haven’t gotten it yet.
  • Rosen Hakama pant – because I’ve been obsessing about those as well for a long time and I should just bite the bullet. They will be my token super wide leg pant.

Over this past weekend I looked through pages and pages of tops on TRR. I “liked” several of them and then when I went back to look at what I liked, I noticed a weird trend:

  • I like baroque, but don’t want to wear it. I’m totally attracted to big, ruffly sleeves at the cuffs and/or shoulders, lots of buttons that would be a total pain in the ass to button/unbutton and lots of darting – everywhere – front, back, sleeves… ALL the darting to create a fitted silhouette. The likelihood of me buying stuff like that and wearing it is next to nil. Note: elastic ruffled cuffs are still fugly to me.
  • I find Tory Burch boring as all hell. There’s a ton of her tops on TRR.
  • Hobo/peasant style tops repulse me for some reason and this probably goes into why I don’t like Tory Burch clothes. There’s a plethora of that style made by her.
  • I love all the wild color combinations of Diane Von Furstenberg and Missoni, but I would never wear them. Also, DVF has a thing for making wrap shirts that look really nice, but make me wonder how practical they are for wearing in the office.
  • I do like V neck shirts, but can’t wear them that low in the office.
  • I still gravitate to grey. I will always love grey.
  • MY KINGDOM FOR A DEEP FOREST GREEN SHIRT. Why are they all that boring, muted olive/army green??!
  • There are a LOT of silk shirts on TRR, but are any of them good quality? I am loathe to buy a silk shirt because I keep thinking of the Everlane one I had that was kinda crap to begin with due to being so thin.
  • I do not like red or yellow. I am slightly attracted to red in a pattern, but as a whole, it doesn’t do anything for me. I’m also attracted to browns, but then feel weird when I wear them so I usually stay away from those as well.

Bright Lights

I feel like my outfits have had a sort of running theme this week, but I’m not sure how to put it into words. I’ve been comfortable each day, which is good considering the craziness that’s been going on at work.

Monday: Everlane top, Won Hundred pant, Nisolo shoes. Yep, I am wearing the Nisolos again. They sat in the box in the basement for my “Eventually I will get around to selling these…. some day” area. Once I got the shoe stretchers I thought: screw it, do it. So I stretched them out over the weekend. While the heel portion is definitely better the toes, even while widened, still cramp just a tiny bit. I may try stretching them some more this weekend. I can wear them all day and not be uncomfortable, but they could be better. I also want to change out the shoe laces, which are a weird beige-taupe-green color that seems odd.


Tuesday: My favorite stand-by outfit – Yesstyle linen shirt, YY pant, Nisolo shoes. No matter what I feel put together in this outfit even though the top is more casual than should be appropriate for work. (I get away with it and no one complains.)


Wednesday: Another easy one. My favorite old black top and Rachel Comey Menace pant with Dries Van Noten shoes. The Dries shoes are amazingly more comfortable now they’ve been stretched. The leather has a lot more structure to it than the Nisolos and isn’t nearly as soft, but I can tell that in time these will be favorite go-to shoes in the same way my Frye ones are now. Also, I’m panicking about having to replace this top. It’s a fast fashion one and it’s a staple and I love it but it’s super beat up and there are white-ish pit stains from deodorant under the arms. I may see if I can oxyclean those out.


Thursday: Feeling very “what is the point of this day” and it was so incredibly nice outside I was cursing every moment I had to be indoors. Knock Knock Linen top, YY pant, Frye shoes.


Tonight Z and I are going to head to our old stomping grounds in the city for dinner (a dive sushi place in a half-basement cafe on a corner that we love) and then see Interpol play.

It’s been a weird week, but a productive one. Last weekend after reading Archana’s post, I binged on buying plants and have 5 new ones I’m not sure I can take care of, but damnit I will try. I’ve already moved one several times to get better lighting for it.

Also, I forget where I read it, but someone I follow recently talked about going without deodorant and I realized that the older I’ve gotten the less deodorant I need to use. Or maybe I’m just not nervous sweating like crazy as much as I used to? I dunno, but I tried an experiment this week where I’ve not gone with any deodorant at all this week. I normally wear antiperspirant, which I think is even more damaging to fabrics and maybe even myself, but it’s what I’ve always done and never questioned. Verdict? Well the weather was mild this week so it’s not been too much an issue and any stress sweating I did at work didn’t leave me smelly although I panicked a bit on Wednesday because I felt wet under my arms and thought for sure I’d stink to high hell. Nope. After work on Monday and Tuesday I attacked the flower bed out front that had been taken over by crap grass and even with sweating up a storm that way I still didn’t smell bad. I do know I can have stinky sweat but maybe it’s not as bad now? I’m really confused on it or maybe I need to wait until the 90 degree weather hits next week to know if going without is ultimately a good idea. Also, I’ve not worn overly tight clothing, which would definitely be a good litmus test for this.

Give me all the long skirts

Once again I’m sorta brain dead (from work of course) and don’t really have much to say.  I have a couple new items I’ve bought and I’m ready for my hair appointment NOW even though it’s next week.

Last Friday: Yesstyle linen top, Grana jeans, Jil Sander shoes.

last friday

Monday: Ann Demeulemeeser top, Uniqlo pant, Dries Van Noten shoes.

The shoes are new and I got them from TRR on final sale. I fell in love with the ombre look of them and had been stalking them for a while. As soon as I got them I panicked because I thought they’d be too small, but they fit a bit better than expected. The toe box area is fine but the mid section and heel were tight. So I ordered some shoe stretchers and they helped tremendously. I’m completely amazed at how much more comfortable the shoes are now. I don’t know what kind of leather they are, but they do wrinkle up quite a bit. I’m not bothered by that and figure with time it’ll add some charm to them.

mondayDries Van Noten shoes

Tuesday: Everlane top, YY pant, Lems shoes.

This outfit was very comfortable and I thought I looked rather good in it – with the exception of the shoes. I was stretching out my other shoes more and it was raining all day so I didn’t want to wear my EF mules. The photo I don’t think is doing this outfit any justice at all. Also, Yuki looks a little mental.


Wednesday: old black top, Yohji Yamamoto skirt, Dries Van Noten shoes.

I’m still astonished I got this skirt for $33 on TRR. I looked it over several times when it arrived, thinking it surely had to be a fake, but no, it’s the real deal. The token wool fabric, which is exactly like the pant in the photo above, the flawless stitching, the tags fully intact… Holy crap, did I really just get a YY item for only $33? This was another final sale item and I was apprehensive about it because it’s a size 3, which is technically “big” but I’ve found I need to size up in the more fitted clothes he makes. This is a perfect example of the designer size not meaning fuck-all. What it boils down to is knowing your own size backwards and forwards in inches and centimeters. The sizing in inches was indicated so I decided to take a gamble on it and it fits perfectly.


I love the length. There is a slit in the front that comes up almost to my knees. It is a little tight for walking, but not annoyingly so. In fact, I was rather glad the skirt was making me walk slower on my breaks today. I was kinda worried the flaps on the waist would look clownish, but I think they are the best detail of all now. There is some fraying at the seams on the flaps, but they don’t look so distorted to make the skirt seem dumpy or overly used. I can easily see myself wearing this skirt with tights and a big sweater in cooler weather.

YY has turned me into a skirt fan. I’ve never really liked skirts before and I still shy away from any skirt that’s knee length or above. I have my eyes on a wool CdG skirt that is big and fluffy and looks perfect for layering in winter weather. I’ve noticed that YY skirts are more fitted for straight styled silhouettes and Morticia Addams-esque in their design, which I love. Most CdG skirts are bulbous and fluffy looking. I didn’t think I’d like that, but I’m willing to experiment with that kind of silhouette simply because they look comfortable.