Even keel

Greygrey and blackFriday mix

I didn’t take too many photos this week. Mostly because it was extremely busy and weird for both Z and myself.

I went to the doctor and got a script for physical therapy and to get an anti-depressant. I’d had enough and even though I didn’t feel great about having to get one, I knew deep down I need to suck up my pride and get one for the sake of everyone else around me. I didn’t want to be snappish and ultra-moody because it’s not fair to those who care about me. I’m on 10mg of Celexa now and I’m shocked at how quickly it worked. I took it at night due to the possibly drowsy side-effects and was amazed by how different I felt in the morning. The first day I was super drowsy because I took it at the same time as my anti-anxiety so the double dose of drowsy knocked me out and kept me groggy for a while. Now I stagger the pills so I won’t be comatose at work.

There is one caveat to the anti-depressant, which is the lethargy. If I don’t keep myself engaged the lethargy can take over and that’s what screwed me up so badly in college over 20 years ago. The medication is meant to keep people on “even keel” as the doctor said and I get that, but it’s only if the person has the will power to keep themselves doing things. Otherwise, these sorts of medications can easily make depression much worse by turning people into basket cases. The person may not feel as bad, but also have zero motivation for anything at all. It creates a strange haze in the head that’s difficult to describe. It’s also the main reason I stopped taking these sorts of meds and swore them off for so long. I recognized that feeling immediately because I’d felt it so much before. It’s something I know I need to keep in check.

Poor Z had to work from 9 pm to 4 am this week. His work deals with a lot of non-profits, charities and political canvassing organizations. This week and next they have clients doing homeless counts in 7 cities. The closest one to us did theirs overnight and they asked him to be on site for IT support. Between his crazy schedule and my getting used to a new medication we were both all out of sorts this week.

The good news is we’ve booked our National Park(s) vacation. We spent 5 hours yesterday researching and booking flights, rental car and lodging. We are staying in 6 places! It’s going to be nuts. We are taking 11 days toward the end of October to see Zion, Bryce, Horseshoe Bend, Antelope Canyon, Grand Canyon and Sedona. We booked mostly Airbnb’s around the parks since places inside the parks were A) 85% booked already and B) double to triple in price. I think we are staying one night in Grand Canyon park because it was one of the only choices left that wasn’t an hour drive away, but other than that most other places are nearby the parks. However, getting from one area to another: Zion to Bryce, Bryce to Horseshoe, etc…. is generally two hours in between each destination. If anyone has trail or restaurant recs, let me know!



2 thoughts on “Even keel”

  1. Great to ‘see’ you back! I’m loving that green jersey. I haven’t used antidepressants before so can’t speak to them, but have finally decided I’m going back to my doctor for some micronised progesterone to help with my foul moods during peri menopause. I’m hoping this will make a difference. Even I don’t want to be around me at the moment!


    1. Thanks Tania. Ugh, I know when I get to that stage I’ll need to be on meds too. I’m hoping I can take a break between now and then, but who knows.
      I totally hear you on not wanting to be around yourself, which is why I went and got meds.


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