A new approach


I have been under tremendous amounts of anxiety and stress lately. I don’t wish to go into a lot of detail, but there are two main things I will disclose:

  1. My  100% innocent mother was charged and found guilty of conspiring in a crime she didn’t commit and may potentially face life in prison. This has been going on for 8+ years and as the situation nears to a close (which is relative, this could still end up limping on for another two at least), the greater the amount of insanity in my head and the more it breaks everyone in our family.
  2. My father recently died. He was the main support of my mother’s sanity throughout all of this.

I keep telling myself I need to keep a routine. I need to have something to focus on and have a safe place to simply dump my head.

Normally, I’d retreat and would have dumped this blog, delete it and given up. I would’ve sequestered myself from the society at large that I currently hate with seething rage. However, I know myself and I know my depression, which I’ve had all my life. We are old friends. It’s taken a turn more towards anxiety at this point, which is understandable, but I’m finding it more manageable than flat out depression. It is still crippling and I’ve had panic attacks and chest pains, but when I’m thinking or focusing on something else I’m ok – if only for a little while.

So I did what I always do when I need to reinvent my personal wheel. I’m trying to look at this site a little differently. Instead of trying to post weeks of photos without any substance or little fore thought, I’m just going to post whatever outfit on whichever day and that’s that. I’m “behind” by three weeks now, so it really doesn’t matter. Maybe I’ll remember something about an outfit when I get to posting it to make me think of something interesting or different to say other than I’m tired due to work, which seems to be the norm now. I’ve even changed the site design, which will need some tweaking and that in itself is simply a task to keep me sane.

This outfit: Y’s top by Yohji Yamamoto, Rachel Comey Menace Pant, Dries Van Noten shoes.

I don’t think I’ve worn this outfit before, but it looks like plenty of other all-black outfits I’ve worn. Sometimes I still find it difficult to wear this particular Y’s shirt due to the cut, but I think it works here, especially with the rolled up sleeves.

4 thoughts on “A new approach”

  1. Your post has stayed in my mind since I read it a few days ago. I wanted to respond but wasn’t sure what to say and I still feel that way, but regardless, I hope you take care of yourself and find some moments of relief in amongst this.


  2. I am so sorry to hear about what has been happening to you. Life is crap. I don’t know why it becomes so obvious after a certain age, but it is. (I know, this is not helpful at all, I’m sorry. I’m just comiserating.) I hope you manage to stay well through all of this. I bet that your work, which seems very challenging and out of control sometimes, is helping keep your mind away. And then there are the clothes. I use clothes and fashion in a similar way, when I need to escape in my head to a “good place.” It does help.
    Wishing you all the best and sending all the love. Matters so little on this platform, but it’s genuine.


    1. Thanks Lori. I’ve been online long enough to know that those who bother to send out little messages like yours, even through this platform, do matter. It’s that little bit of kindness that proves there are people who listen and treat others on the other side of the screen with the same compassion and kindness as they would someone next to them who is struggling. So your comment does matter and I do appreciate it.


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